Lapse in Judgement

Before we get started, I just want to warn you. Some of you will read this and think I’m the most horrible mom in the world, others will wonder what I was thinking, and others will totally get it. Just go at it with an open mind, since that’s really the whole point of this anyways 😉
I did something yesterday, that I am pretty ashamed of as a mother. Most people who know me, know that I have an eye on my girls (almost) at all times, that I’m terrified of them being taken, that I park near the cart return because of my fear of them being snatched up by child traffickers, and that I love them more than I ever knew imaginable. I literally have Clara trained to scream if it looks like someone’s coming near her when I’m putting Maya in the car. So, here goes.
Yesterday, while at an indoor rec center/playground on base, I went to the facilities to relive my bladder…alone. Gasp! The girls had been playing well and decided they wanted to go into a separate room to dance (so not actually on the playground equipment). I had been ‘holding it’ for a really long time (my bladder still hasn’t fully recovered from birthing those two sweet girls), the girls were having fun and didn’t want to come with me, and I became falsely secure in an environment that we are pretty comfortable with. So, I ran across the hall, was in there for 2-3 minutes, and came out to MAYHEM!
Everyone was looking for the poor little girl’s mommy (ahem, me) who was screaming and crying for her. I. Felt. Awful! What had I just done?! Oh man, and the looks from the other moms seriously could have burned holes in my soul if I would have looked at them long enough. I grabbed up Maya, consoled her while trying to maintain calm composure, and somewhat quickly headed outta there, apologizing for my behavior to the lady at the desk on my way out. Neither of my girls wanted to leave, so both were crying and carrying on as we exited. It was lovely.
Then, as I was texting back and forth with my amazing husband who didn’t even get mad at me, his words rang out in my head… ‘Maya’s fine, Clara’s fine, you’re fine. I’m sorry we have to feel so bad just for needing to pee…’ And while I get that I should never leave a 2 and 4 y/o unattended, it is kind of sad that we can’t for the reasons that we can’t…
So, to the random mom/dad at the rec center who really needs to just run and get something from her car, or run and use the facilities, or grab a drink of water, please ask me, and I will be happy to keep an eye on your kiddo for a few! I wish I would have asked someone. Would that have stopped Maya from screaming? Nope! Not my girl LOL! But at least I would have had some peace of mind and not felt quite like such a failure of a parent.
I think we’re getting better at supporting each other, I really do. But what if instead of vile looks, someone said to me ‘if you need me to keep an eye on them next time I’m more than happy’ or ‘been there done that!’ because guaranteed someone else has, or even ‘what were you thinking?!’ Seriously, use your words people, because mean looks are just that, mean looks, and they don’t console, they don’t teach a lesson, and I promise, the person you’re giving them to, at least in this situation, probably already feels bad enough.
I don’t condone what I did, and I’m lucky nothing happened to the girls while I was relieving my bladder, but lets start being a little bit more open about asking each other for a little help here and there. We could really make things easier on each other! Oh, and next time you see a mom or dad who’s done something as unintelligent/neglectful/whatever you want to call it as I did, don’t assume they’re all around horrible, they’re probably just an overtired parent who had a lapse in judgement and is already beating themselves up about it.

Love to all and thanks for reading! -Melinda-